Remember us when you are sick

MAN SICK
A term all women over 25 are familiar with. Knowledge from all men we know.
We can be close to the ER, yet if you cough more than 3 times in a row MAN-SICKNESS
is in da house.. You are so sick when you are sick it is absolutely laughable.
I am talking sniffles, coughs, flues, broken bones.. things you would actually recover from.
There is so much nursing to do compared to the lack of compassion you give when we have similar
illnesses you should all be ashamed. You think its that time of the month or pop out for a pint as we are
quite frankly not looking our best and sex is certainly not on the menu.
But whenever you sneeze we are to fetch endless cups of tea and agree to your will and  final testament..
Once serious illnesses are lurking you turn into oysters. No word until the ambulance got you speeding.
How can it be you are so stupid not to see that a pain in x y or z over a long period of time needs a
check-up, but once a cold strikes you are ready to say your last prayers?
LESSON: If you notice something ..anywhere ..bothering you over a longer (no, not 3 years, more like 3 weeks) TELL US. We will organise doctor appointments and get u sorted our.
If you have a cold you would want to give us the same care when we do. Because we would be as sick as you.

To shave or not to shave

First of all. Please shave! Not many women want to date the wizard of oz or a lumberjack. As cute as a little stubble is now and again you don't know what it does to our skin! To test you can try rubbing your wrist (soft side) against your stubble for 5 minutes. Now imagine what that does to the delicate skin around our mouth, or even more delicate... you catch my drift..
Somehow it seems shaving has gone off fashion nowadays, but I can tell you most women appreciate a clean shaven man.
Many men are better at shaving their balls than their face.
For all sake, keep up the ball-shaving, just don't forget the face.
And please do not shave or wax your chest!
Unless you live in LA please leave that nonsense. Some men are born with a hairy chest, some without. Embrace what nature gave you. I've discussed this with numerous girls and the verdict is clear:
a shaved chest is NOT a chest we want to sleep on. The poor ladies who have tried describe it as making love to a gigantic grater.

What is a "real man"?

There is sometimes confusion as to what men define as "a real manly man" and what us girls think make up a "real man". What u guys brag about over pints and how you measure eachother manno a manno is a different story from what we think makes a "real man". Some pointers

- A real man WILL ask for directions. We want to get to where we are going with no stress and fuss. Asking for direction makes the journey smoother, saves time and shows consideration for us.

- A real man will buy tampons. The people in the shop are hardly gonna think you are gonna use them. And if they do, are they not complete perverts?

- A real man can express his feelings and have a cry. That does not mean we expect you to cry to the Notebook, or in front of us. Nor do we want you to brew Chamomile tea and relive your childhood. But a real man secure in his own skin, will not behave neanderthal and bottle it all up. He will be secure enough in his man-ness to shed a tear when he's hurting and to let us know what's bothering him.

- A real man wants a woman, not a plastic bimbo 19years old. A real man does not fancy Jordan or Paris Hilton. A real man understand the difference between models, movistars and pornstars and the real world.
Men who fancy Jenna Jameson are a real turn-off for women. (Note: what you pull the salami to is a different story. As long as you have reality in check and don't tell us)

- A real man will admit when he's wrong.

- A real man is a gentleman that treats women with respect and still understand the realities of female emancipation. Opening the door and carrying groceries does not mean we ought to stand barefoot in the kitchen slaving for you. Nor does it mean you can expect us to change the tires of the truck.

- A real man can pay the rent. Too many women I know support their man financially. In selected interim cases that is Ok off-course, but guys.. take your share!

- A real man does not spend more on clothes, hair and cosmetics than us. Metrosexual = Homosexual (no offence intended). Which brings me to the next point

- A real man is not jealous of our gay BFF.

- Any man can have a child. A real man is a father.

Hair

- Your girl has been to the hair-dresser. We know we should always have loooong, silky smooth fairy-tale locks down to our butts, but you know what? That IS fairy-tale stuff, and most women are not born Rapuntzel, thank you very much. We do the best we can with what we have. And unless you want us to invest in wigs and Paris Hiltonesque hair-extensions, we have flat/dry/thin/mouse-gray stuff to work with.
I'm pretty sure if you were required to have shiny, playboy-style locks down to your ass-crack you will find how next to impossible it is. Lesson: When we come back from the hairdresser just say we look good. Most of us are really trying. If its so important with long flowing hair for you, remember that hair does not give blow-jobs, the girl does.

What to reply when we have a "fat"-day!

"Does my bum look big in this?". "Do you think I have put on weight?".
You have heard it and you are stuck. Deer caught in headlight. You panic and get it wrong.
There is always just one reply to this. Keep it short and simple. Practice if you must.
My boyfriend uses this and it works very well.
He simply says "No, honey, you look gorgeous/ beautiful.. (add adjective of your choice)".
If I start preassuring him he simply repeats it.
Me: "But you are just saying that!
Him: "No, I think you look beautiful"

On new clothes or outfits where we ask your opinion we are really just fishing for compliments.
So. I suggest you apply the reply above for that as well.

Bonus tip: Try to remember one dress that you like on her. The color will do.
You see, if we ask your opinion about a new dress, and you reply: " It's really pretty honey, but
not as nice as your xx (insert color) dress. That's my favorite!"
Why that works? Because all women melt when our man remembers something like that.
Saying you have a favorite dress for her, or any other item (no, underwear can not be used)
makes us feel special.

And the rule is: A woman who feels special is a happy woman = more sex= happy man.

How to deal with women with PMS

This has been a difficult post to write, because most of the time women dont even know ourselves how to deal with the dreaded PMS. But I will start with some background info you all ought to know, as it's a common misconception among most men exactly WHEN we have PMS. Newsflash! PMS, as the name says Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) (also called PMT or premenstrual tension), before our period, NOT during! Read up on it guys!

What you see is an irrational, weepy, chocolate-bingeing, aggressive dragon woman who's completely unpredictable ready to mash your balls in a rusty kitchen grinder one second and reduced to an insecure and sobbing wreck the next.
We lash out one minute only to demand cuddles and tissues the next. Confusing stuff. U betcha.

Before we make jokes about the PMS monster-woman and feel all helpless, let's try to imagine just for a few minutes walking in our shoes.
So, now imagine you are a woman. Your tummy is bloated like a bongo-drum and your feet hurtfully swell up. You notice unflattering spots, your hair goes oily and hopeless just when your body is filling up with all sorts of mad hormones. You look good in nothing. In business meetings or just watching TV these hormones force out unwanted tears at any given time. And yes, you know you are acting irrational, you are embarrassed and hate it when it happens. But it's in the hands of the hormones, not you.
You get hot flashes and can't keep your liquor. 2 pints might make you legless where usually you can have 6. You get 100% more affected by the smallest criticism, and despite knowing that it's the PMS, if the partner says something "off" you get wounded (also result of PMS-driven hormones) to the core.
This will thus result in tears and or agression outbursts.
Then your partner makes jokes about this condition and/or makes snotty remarks before doing her best to avoid you. Sounds fun yet?
Just wait until your PMS turns into the actual period. By this time the hormones have mentaly "stabilized" and  despite cramps, continued bloating et al  you are somehow back to yourself.
You are dealing with all the joys of bleeding from your genitalia for up to a week whilst your partner (who's got it all wrong) is cranky for lack of sex, and the jokes, avoidance and snotty comments continue throughout.

Conclutions: Unless you think that sounds like a walk on the beach, and you would gladly swap this involuntary condition with us. SHOW SOME HEART.
- Be caring
- Be soft
- Buy chocolate
- Give us hugs
- Go easy on the "(eyes rolling) that time of the month huh"-comments

Keeping your girl happy is easier than you think!

All we need is a hug (I'm talking a min. 30 second EMBRACE here!..important distinction ) and a compliment a day. A compliment can not, I repeat not, be referred to housework and or anything practical.
Here are a few winners:
" You look gorgeous today!"
" You are the most wonderful woman I've ever met"
" I love you so much"
Now, gentlemen..does this sound too hard?
Remember what we have to put up with.
Next post.. drumroll.. I know you must be dying to know this.. How to deal with PMS